Picture this: it’s December 2021… nights are longer, darker and the temperature is dropping lower and lower. The Uk had been going through something… errr not-okay-dokey-cokey. The need to escape the doom and gloom had never been stronger. Just in time, I unexpectedly received a text from my friend Martin asking if I’d be up for a mini trip to Gran Canaria. My immediate, excited reaction was: YES. Especially since I hadn't been on holiday in over 8 years!
The idea of real vitamin D, the sea, and some winter warmth was already soothing me. However, I guess it was inevitable that some old acquaintances of mine would come knocking.
*Knock – knock*
My Self-doubt, body consciousness and critical thinking were all ready to ask that one important question: "Gaz, do you really think you're beach-body ready?".
Pre Ldn Dares, I'd probably have listened to those pesky acquaintances and ‘that’ question. I probably would’ve talked, maybe even shamed myself out of going away! I would've kept on my T-shirt, in case people laughed at my chest. I definitely wouldn't have gone swimming with my wobbly belly out. Imagine the pressure of going on holiday and thinking you had embarrassed yourself, convinced you were misrepresenting your community (for me: what a gay man 'should' look like) by allowing yourself to go away simply as you are?
Post Ldn Dares, I am aware of how much more essential feeling good is vs looking good. For example, I could set up and pose, pose and pose for a photo and focus purely just on how I look or I can 'become a moment' by immersing myself in enjoying myself. There is beauty in everything that is authentic. If you feel good, you look good and just because you might look good, doesn't mean you feel it inside. I know what is more important to me.
So...I went on holiday.
Without drastic or any dieting before. I didn't spend lots of money on new clothes. I made a conscious effort not to compare myself to anyone else (which is hard and something I still have to practice). Mainly, I concentrated on my feelings of enjoyment and excitement to be away with my hilarious friend in a new country!
I can't explain how incredibly freeing this was for me, my moobs, belly and I!
By shifting focus from the importance of aesthetics to how and what I was experiencing, I instantly got a sense of mindfulness. I was enjoying every moment of what I was doing without being consumed by how I looked, to others, doing it. That kind of 'being' is a revelation.
I enjoyed being by and in the pool. I loved skinny dipping and allowing the Atlantic Ocean’s water to get the full Gaz experience, I'd never felt more alive! Of course, I even wore a Santa's hat on the beach! I mean, why not? It was basically Christmas.
Care free is a very good look on anyone and everyone - when you allow it. You don't need a holiday for an excuse to try it either, you are body ready now, when you learn how!